Justification
by Simply Mim
Summary: Peer into the life of Peter Pettigrew. One-shot.


**Hello! I'm back in the world of Harry Potter! This is a bit different from my other stories, but please review and tell me what you think!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything!**

**~Mim**

* * *

"Hmmm, interesting. Not nearly enough wit for Ravenclaw. And oh, absolutely no sign of hard work, I suppose Hufflepuff's out too. But oh, what's this? A desire to survive. Hmm, it's strong too. Enough to have a desire for glory as well, but oh you're a bit clever I see. You know it's not likely. Well, well, well. What to do. Either Slytherin or Gryffindor for you. Your desire could be ambition, yes it could. Slytherin would be right for you boy."

_Not Slytherin, please _the boy thought frantically, his hands gripping the stool.

"No? Well then GRYFFINDOR!" the Sorting Hat shouted.

The Gryffindor table burst into cheers as 'Pettigrew, Peter' scrambled into it. Various hands patted his back and offered congratulations, but he only felt relief. Gryffindor was good. Gryffindor would make his parents proud.

000000

It was the first week of school. Peter knew a couple of students here and there- he was a pureblood- but he hadn't any close friends. Not yet.

He was on his way to Charms, when he stumbled onto the floor. It should've been fine, he didn't get hurt. Unfortunately, a group of Slytherins- third years by the looks of it- were huddled nearby. They burst into loud, raucous laughter and began clapping one boy's back. Peter realized he had been tripped. He felt tears of shame spring into his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He would not be seen as weak by Slytherins. Not if he could help it.

After the boys had finished laughing, they leered haughtily at Peter. He gulped and curled up into a ball. He couldn't help himself; their looks told him they were about to make fun of him some more.

One of the bigger and uglier Slytherins extracted himself from the huddle and began thundering menacingly towards Peter. He whimpered and curled up into a tighter ball, but stared at the thug with large eyes. He couldn't help himself. Just when the boy was about to make contact with Peter, he stumbled unceremoniously and landed in a heap on the floor. The huddle roared with laughter, but Peter paid them no mind. Instead, he focused on the pretty redhead who had just tripped a third year— and a Slytherin at that— as if it were no big deal.

She was talking to her friend, so it was almost as if she hadn't done it. But Peter had seen with his own eyes. He knew. And even though she hadn't smiled or even acknowledged his presence, Peter knew that she had helped him. And he carried that memory with him as he ran to Charms.

The next day, Peter was rushing out of Transfiguration in a hurry. McGonagall had kept him and a few others in to help her clean up and he was starving. He wasn't paying any attention to what was around him in his quest to satisfy his belly, so Peter was surprised when a large hand appeared out of nowhere and lifted him in the air.

It was that brute. The third year the redhead—Lily, he thought her name was— had tripped.

"I know you," the thug said. "You're that wimp we tripped yesterday."

Peter was astonished the boy could actually remember that much, but he was far too frightened to comment aloud. Instead he made a meek little whimper.

"What's that? You scared. Ha ha. Well, I don't know who tripped me yesterday _wimp _but I guess I'll have to settle with you."

The boy brought his fist back when an indignant "Oi!" erupted from behind them. Blinking stupidly, the thug dropped Peter and turned around to see who was interrupting him.

James Potter and Sirius Black, two first years, were strolling towards them with their hands in their pockets. They looked perfectly at ease as they approached a boy resembling a gorilla more than anything.

"Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?" James demanded when he came close enough.

"What? You mean like you?" the thug asked. He laughed stupidly at his joke—if you could even call it that—before heading towards James. Peter looked on with wide eyes. Poor James!

"Not quite," Sirius drawled. There was a flicker of humor in his eyes, but nothing else to suggest that he was amused rather than frightened for his life, as Peter was.

"You're right Sirius. He clearly doesn't understand English because I said somebody his own size," James said with a grin.

Peter felt dread rise up inside him. How on earth could they be joking at a time like this?

"But there's nobody else around James!" Sirius said as he peered around the corridor theatrically. "I suppose he'll have to settle with us. Let's just even our heights, what do you think?"

"I think that's a great idea."

With that, Sirius stomped on the brute's foot _hard_. The Slytherin let out a howl of pain and doubled over to clutch his bruised foot making him eye level with James.

"That's better." James pushed the Slytherin roughly away from him, so that the brute fell flat on the ground. The Slytherin scrambled back up and ran/limped away from them.

"You better run!" Sirius shouted after him.

James turned to Peter, who was crouched on the floor—not pathetically, thank Merlin, but he was still on the ground. "Are you okay?" he asked as he helped Peter up.

Peter nodded. "I'm James by the way," James said sticking his hand out to shake.

"Peter," he replied as he shook.

James nodded. "And that's Sirius," he said jerking his thumb towards the dark haired boy.

Sirius turned around and nodded at Peter. "Wotcher Pete."

James turned to Sirius and the two began talking earnestly about what took place as they began slowly making their way towards the Great Hall. But to Peter's surprise and delight, they paused and turned to Peter, waiting for him to catch up.

His joy of being accepted into the ranks of the two coolest kids he'd ever met burned like a talisman in him for the duration of the day. James had helped him today, just like Lily had yesterday. Those two were so similar. They were meant for each other Peter decided.

000000

The year progressed uneventfully, except for the addition of another member into their group. His name was Remus Lupin and he had the shabbiest clothes in the world, poor kid, but he was very nice. Peter was glad they were friends.

Peter expected James and Sirius to get along with Lily, but it seemed that they had gotten off on the wrong foot on the train and nobody was willing to let it go. The three of them didn't have a go at each other whenever they met, but it was rather apparent that Lily didn't approve of James and Sirius' impish behavior along with their stunning brilliancy at magic with no apparent effort. Peter found it rather awe-inspiring to be honest, those two were bloody amazing.

It was to Sirius and Remus' extreme surprise when one day in fourth year, seemingly out of the blue, James announced that Lily was the most beautiful girl in the whole entire universe and he was going to go out with her. Peter wasn't surprised of course; he had already decided those two were meant for each other. However, to nobody's surprise Lily Evans rejected every single one of James propositions that they should 'go out.' They were rather pathetically done, but Peter had to give James some credit, that boy was very persistent. He continued to pester Lily for the next two years (until he _finally _listened to Remus and began to try to be friends with Lily and get to know her).

Still it was to the whole bloody Hogwarts' surprise—except Peter, he always knew it was coming—when Lily finally said yes. James almost died of happiness, which probably would've annoyed Lily. Peter was happy for them.

They were two amazing people. Their happiness was justified.

000000

"Come on Pete! You can try it! Or is ickle-Petey too scawed?" Sirius asked with a grin. The four of them and Lily were all at the Potter manor enjoying a tasty meal when the house elf had brought out squid. Peter was horrified (who could eat something with tentacles?) and Sirius had pounced on Peter's disgust. He had already tried a variety of methods to force Peter to try the dreaded creature and had finally turned to humiliation.

"Oh Sirius stop it! Leave poor Pete alone," Lily scolded. She patted Peter's arm reassuringly. "You don't have to eat anything you don't want to Peter."

Peter smiled at Lily. She was so kind, always helping those in distress. Her ability to forgive and love other's astounded Peter, but he was so grateful that she accepted him. He didn't deserve it.

000000

"Tell me Pettigrew," the cold voice demanded. Peter shivered and blinked back frightened tears. He had held his ground at school and he could hold out in the real world too. His life depended on it. The man- if you could even call him that- smirked. It was as if he could smell fear, Peter thought wildly.

"I can give you anything you desire if you help me. Fame, glory, you name it. _All _I ask, a simple thing really, is the location of the Potters. It's not hard is it? After all, you're a smart boy. You understand what's happening. Do you really want to be on the losing side? Filled with pathetic fools who fight for love and honor? You know those things don't exist, that they're foolhardy. Don't you?"

Peter thought of his father's unattainable love, his guarded looks. He was never proud of his son. He had only told his son he loved him once while he was alive. It was pathetic. And there certainly was no such thing as honor. Sirius certainly didn't have any when he humiliated Peter mercilessly. Peter pushed back the thought that Sirius was teasing- with the Dark Lord nobody would dare tease him again. Yes. This is what he wanted. But….

"They're my friends," he protested.

"Of course they are," the Dark Lord said smoothly. "But I don't want them. I only want their son. Just that little child who spit on you at your last visit. A nuisance isn't he? I can remedy that."

"Well," he hesitated, not understanding that he had already lost. Voldemort knew how to get what he wanted. The child had been annoying. Besides, he could barely picture him so he clearly wasn't important. And James and Lily weren't to be harmed….

It was only later Peter realized he had never told the cold man that Harry had spit on him. How had he known?

000000

It's Lily's smile that he remembers when he first hears the news, so kind and gentle with such warmth seeping through. Gone.

Her gentle laughter at some witty comment that he had managed to make. The others ignored him, but she would never. Lily always included him. Gone.

Her advice and helpful hints throughout the years. She could instinctively tell when someone was struggling. He had never asked her for help, yet she always gave it. She even knew better than to comment on it, to keep his pride intact. And Lily had never asked for anything in return. Ever. Gone.

The pride in his eyes when Peter aced his exams. He would slap Peter's back and congratulate him. He would convince the others that a celebration was in order. He was ever so modest, always acting as if it was Peter's genius finally shining through that led to success. James never even hinted that he had a hand in it. Gone.

The fierce loyalty in his voice when he defended Peter. He was ruthless when somebody insulted his friends, and he never bothered to quell it. Afterwards, he would heartily ridicule the bullies whilst checking that Peter's manliness was intact. For he never mentioned that he had protected Peter because Peter didn't need protection. In James' eyes Peter was invincible. Gone.

When the Potters' deaths were first made known to Peter he felt numb. He didn't know who he missed more: the amazing James who give Peter his friendship or the beautiful Lily who gave Peter her love for nothing. They were two fantastic people. Their deaths were not justified.

But it was Peter who was going to die next if he didn't do something. Pathetic Dark Lord, some help he was.

000000

Overwhelming guilt so strong that it nearly masked the pain. Nearly. Too bad the guilt only reminded him of the pain. Peter could still feel it every now and then. When he wasn't expecting it, when he was scurrying around in his rat form it would rise up and strike from behind. Sometimes it was so bad Peter was nearly paralyzed.

James, gone. Lily, gone. It was his entire fault. And Sirius was alive- for now- but he hated him. His hatred was justified. Yet, James will never know of Peter's betrayal. James who expected that nothing could stop Peter and put so much faith into him. He felt like a rat, which he was. He deserved it.

At least the boy is alive. His life is justified; Lily and James deserve it.

But the Dark Lord fell. This was not supposed to happen. He was supposed to be the Dark Lord's right hand man. He was supposed to get fame and glory. Guilt. Pain. Peter's loss is justified.

Hopefully, Remus was out there somewhere. Alive. Not for Peter's sake of course, but Sirius and James'.

000000

It was not bliss. Nor was it peace. He could never feel at ease after all that happened. As nice as it would be…no. Not possible. But he did begin to forget. Just enough so that he can rest again. No more nightmares, just deep, dreamless sleep. And that's all he wants.

000000

Young voices pierced his slumber. One of them was Ron's, his master, but there was another. One that he didn't recognize. Groggily, Peter opened one eye to receive the shock of his life. Lily was peering down at him with her bright green eyes. He opened his other eye. No, it was James. Wait. It was neither. But then- ah. The boy. Lily and James' son, the spitting image of his father—except for the eyes, he had his mother's eyes. And they were filled with the same warmth and kindness that hers had as well, although there was a bit more anxiety and a touch of sadness in them as well.

He must have come to avenge his parents! Peter panicked for a moment before remembering that he was a rat. Safe and sound. For now. But, really, there was no need to run.

000000

Living with a wizard family had its uses, but being the pet of Harry Potter's best friend was even more worthwhile. Apparently, the Dark Lord was back. Peter entertained the idea of his fame and glory before facing reality. Come on now, the Dark Lord fell once before. Because of a certain kid who happened to defeat him a second time. That's two times. Peter decided it was best to stay with Ron.

000000

Sirius had escaped from Azkaban. Escaped as in left or runaway. As in Sirius Black had managed to do the impossible and escape from the Dementors clutches. Of course. Naturally, Peter was petrified. Sirius was going to kill him for sure. He needed to run.

Finally he did escape, just as Sirius had from Azkaban. True, his feat was not nearly as extraordinary as Sirius', but Peter was not nearly as extraordinary as Sirius. And he did the impossible. He found the Dark Lord, who was merciful enough to allow Peter to serve him. Even though he thought of Peter as dirt. But it was okay because Peter was protected again. Although, he no longer had the added courtesy of being able to pretend he was protecting himself.

000000

He hadn't wanted to kill Harry, not really. His face was far too much like James and his eyes. His eyes were the exact replica of Lily's. Peter would not have been able to bear seeing the light fade from his eyes, as they had from Lily's. It had been purely instinct that made him close his silver hand around the boy's throat. Purely instinct, yet so apt. Of course his instinct would be one of an evil man. Of a cruel man. Of a _Slytherin_. For the past couple of years he had come to realize that perhaps the Sorting Hat had chosen wrong. He should've been sent to Slytherin.

This was why such surprise- and fear- filled him when his hand let go of Harry. He hadn't wanted to kill the boy, but he hadn't wanted to let go either. His fear increased as the hand began creeping towards his own throat. This was not to happen. He had spent his whole life ensuring that he would be protected and now his own body was destroying him? This was his worst nightmare.

Yet the boy tried to help him. The boy tried to stop his traitorous hand, when it had just been inches from ending the boy's life. How was this possible? How could there be someone so kind? So caring? So much like… like Lily? And slowly Peter's eyes left the hand inching closer to his death and fixed themselves on the boy's face. It was scrunched up in horror, desperately trying to stop the hand. Those vivid emerald eyes were filled with fear and _concern_. As Peter felt his last breath escape his blue lips he felt an odd sense of calm acceptance. His death was meant to be, for it would ensure the survival of Harry Potter for just a little bit longer. Peter had killed too many, indirectly; but Harry would save many. It was only justified.

~Fin~


End file.
